Unwanted Desire
by AliasJaneDoe
Summary: Brennan struggles in the aftermath of 'Deadly Desire.' *COMPLETE*


TITLE: Unwanted Desire  
  
AUTHOR: ghostwritten  
  
E-MAIL: AliasJaneDoe@hotmail.com  
  
RATING: R for theme and sexual situations, although nothing graphic  
  
SUMMARY: The aftermath of "Deadly Desire."  
  
CATEGORY: episode tag, drama  
  
DISCLAIMER: This is my first Mutant X fic. I don't know who owns the show, but the point of this disclaimer is that it's not me. I'm not making any money off this, so please don't sue me.  
  
ARCHIVE: not without permission  
  
SPOILERS: Deadly Desire  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm sick of seeing shows where guys are poisoned and end up thinking they're in love with the women who did it and sleeping with them and everybody is fine with that. Therefore, this my rather different, and fairly dark, take on the episode.  
  
FEEDBACK: please, even flames are welcome as long you give a reason for them  
  
WARNINGS: non-con, mention of rape  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Unwanted Desire"  
  
~~~~~  
  
Her lips brushed against his and Brennan returned the kiss. It was impossible for him to resist her. Something inside him was screaming that this was wrong, he didn't want this, but his body reacted without his permission.  
  
Hands snaked up under his shirt and caressed his chest. "Do you love me?" Lorna asked, her voice almost a purr.  
  
Of course he didn't. He couldn't. He didn't even know her, and what he did know, he certainly didn't like. "Yes," he heard himself answer while pulling her closer. For some reason, he wanted this. He was in love with her.  
  
No! He battled fiercely with himself, trying to break free of the haze that surrounded him. It was as if she'd placed him under a spell. And he was helpless to fight it. He could only watch himself obey her every command.  
  
A fuzzy warmth muddled his thoughts. Whatever she was doing to him felt so wonderful. Why fight it? Shouldn't he be a willing participant instead? He could so easily give her not only his body but also his mind. Free will no longer existed. Nothing mattered. He was hers. Only hers. Hers forever.  
  
Oh god, he loved her. Wanted her. Needed her. He'd die for her.  
  
Kill for her.  
  
He told himself to stop, flee, get away from her. But he couldn't. Didn't want to. Why would he leave the woman he loved? He'd leave Mutant X instead. He'd even destroy them if she asked him to do so. His friends, Adam, their mission... it was all so insignificant.  
  
He only needed to ignore to the small voice that told him this new love wasn't real. Eventually, it would cease to argue.  
  
And so that part of his mind which sought to resist was trapped, held captive and merely a bystander who was only allowed to observe as he surrendered his soul to a woman he knew was evil... and while his body made love to her.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Brennan snapped awake, his entire body tingling with energy. The dream was still vivid in his mind. He was tempted to scream, wanting to turn the unpleasant images off. He'd betrayed Mutant X... nearly killed Emma. All for some woman who was merely using him.  
  
Moaning, he reached to turn on the light beside his bed. As soon as he touched it, the bulb exploded. Sparks of electricity danced across his hands, causing him to clench and unclench his fists several times in an attempt to control it.  
  
His body was wet with sweat, and he tossed off his sheets. He collapsed back against his pillow, breathing heavily. Why was he so hot?  
  
Forcing himself to sit up, Brennan decided to take a shower. He got out of bed and made it several steps before the room started to spin. Somehow, despite the fact that his head was swimming, he managed to get to the shower and turned on the water - ice cold.  
  
Letting the spray drench his skin, he waited for the spasms of electricity to stop. He shouldn't have lost control. He pressed his forehead against the cool tile of the wall, remaining there for a long moment before sinking to the floor. His entire body was shaking.  
  
His ring was back on his finger now, and he was grateful for that. He activated the com-link. "Adam..."  
  
The fact that he needed help was his last thought before passing out.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Lorna was relentless when it came to getting what she wanted. And so seductive. Every time Brennan resisted, it was like a fresh wave of desire swept over him, making him want her. It was literally impossible to say no to her.  
  
Subconsciously, he knew she was drugging him, using her mutant abilities to control him. Part of him didn't care. That part was convinced that she loved him. And when he slept with her again, he wrapped himself securely in the part of himself that he could swear loved her.  
  
He'd let her take him to her bed, so he must have loved her, right? He hadn't submitted just because she'd commanded him. He wanted to believe he was stronger than that.  
  
Yet the truth was, even with a body lying on the floor, he'd been blinded by her. He should have been able to break free of her when he found out she was a killer.  
  
It had taken Shalimar to free him from Lorna's grasp. That was the only logical solution. After his talk with her, being near Lorna made him dizzy and confused, but whatever she was using on him couldn't penetrate fully. He'd never been so thankful for his friends.  
  
He could finally say no. He knew she'd kill him if he did, but he still denied her. He needed to reject her right then and there. Death was better than letting her take his body once more, invade his mind.  
  
So he refused her, and the masquerade of her being beautiful slipped. She was nothing but a scorpion... venomous, a killer. And she struck him, as he knew she would, causing pain to explode across his neck and chest, spreading throughout his whole body.  
  
That sting delivered a new kind of poison into his body. It ran like ice and also fire through his veins, killing him.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Brennan jerked awake with a scream on his lips. It took him a moment to realize that he was arching against the comforting hands of Adam. The older man was holding him securely, restraining him and firmly pressing him back down onto the table.  
  
He didn't need to see Emma to know that she was also with him. He could feel something whispering in his head, her presence familiar. She was trying to soothe him.  
  
He gasped for breath, his body trembling against Adam's supporting brace. A monitor in the room was displaying his erratic heartbeat. Somebody told him that he was in Sanctuary, safe. Then Jesse was with him while Adam was momentarily absent.  
  
A sharp prick from a needle signaled Adam's return, and Brennan felt himself relaxing as he was informed that whatever he'd just been given would help with the pain. He let his head loll to the side before his face was cupped by Adam's hand. "Follow my finger," he instructed, moving his other hand back and forth to the edges of Brennan's vision.  
  
"Good." Adam's tense expression changed to a slight smile as Brennan tracked his hand. "How are you feeling?"  
  
Brennan swallowed a few times before answering. His friends all looked concerned. "I'm not sure. What happened?"  
  
"You were unconscious when we found you," Jesse told him.  
  
He didn't get any more details before Shalimar was wrapping a blanket around him. He was shivering like crazy. "God, it's cold," Brennan mumbled.  
  
"Sorry," apologized Emma. "You were running a fever again; I needed to cool you down."  
  
Brennan managed to give her a half smile. "Thanks. Again. Although you think you could try something simpler next time? Like maybe put a glass of lemonade in my mind instead of sinking the Titanic?"  
  
She rested a hand on his arm, her touch gentle and brief. "Sure."  
  
Adam felt Brennan's forehead once more for any sign of heat and seemed pleased. "Your fever has definitely broken, but I still need to run some more tests. I want to make sure all traces of Miss Templeton's chemical are out of your system. Hopefully we can prevent another relapse."  
  
Pulling the blanket tighter around himself, Brennan moaned. His whole body ached. He let his eyes drift shut before blinking them open again to look at his friends. They were hovering way too much.  
  
As he reached to rub a kink from his neck, Brennan found the sub-dermal governor. Shit. "What the hell happened?"  
  
Adam frowned. "I'm sorry about that, but I felt it was necessary. You had some kind of seizure and were fibrillating with electrical shocks. I needed to keep you from injuring yourself but didn't want to use restraints. Also, with you wet..." He trailed off but cast Brennan another worried look. If the shocks had been any stronger, his own power would have killed him. "I'd like to leave the governor there for another 24 hours."  
  
Managing a nod, Brennan mumbled an, "Okay." He was glad he hadn't been put in restraints, and he knew that meant Adam had likely held him throughout the seizure. Although he didn't remember any of it. He closed his eyes and was tempted to drift back to sleep while the older man finished caring for him.  
  
He was safe now. Home, and with friends.  
  
-----  
  
"Adam," Emma said hesitantly as he finished testing the most recent blood sample from Brennan.  
  
From her tone, he could tell she was troubled. He momentarily stopped his work. "What is it?"  
  
"I'm worried about him," she confessed, wondering how much she should say.  
  
He gave her a reassuring look. "I'm making certain there's no chance of this happening again. The poison is more resilient than I originally thought, but Brennan's stubborn and the worst is over. He'll be fully recovered soon."  
  
"That isn't what I meant." Emma fidgeted slightly. "When I was in his head, he was thinking about her. I backed out so quickly before that I didn't see it, but I definitely sensed it this time." She paused, knowing Brennan wouldn't be happy that she'd been deep enough in his mind to pick up on it. "He's not okay that he slept with her."  
  
Stopping his work yet again, Adam turned his full attention to Emma. "What?"  
  
"She poisoned him, Adam. No matter how willing he might have been, he really didn't have a choice." She forced herself to meet his eyes as she continued. "If it had been a man who drugged me or Shalimar, you would have looked at things differently."  
  
Adam gave a slight nod. "Perhaps."  
  
"I don't think we can take this lightly. He's hurting, even if he won't admit it." Emma shoved some stray hair behind her ear. "Brennan was forced to be with her. Despite appearances, he does take relationships seriously. And you know he didn't really love her. He was just poisoned so that he wouldn't stop her. All things considered, that's practically--"  
  
"Rape," Adam finished for her.  
  
She pressed her lips together uncomfortably. "Yeah." She met his gaze for a second before breaking eye contact and shifting her view to the floor.  
  
"I'll talk to him," Adam said before returning to his job of analyzing the blood sample.  
  
Emma tried to smile and failed. "Thank you."  
  
-----  
  
Several hours later, Brennan was still awake. Now matter how tired he was, he had the nagging feeling that sleep wouldn't be very restful. He rolled onto his side and watched Adam for a few minutes before speaking. "Do you think you could give me something to help me sleep?" he asked, a bit hesitant.  
  
He was somewhat surprised when Adam simply agreed to the request without question. Finishing all his tests, he returned to Brennan's side. The young man was still trembling, and Adam wondered if it was just aftershocks from the seizure. Brennan was clearly exhausted.  
  
"Come on, let's get you back to bed," Adam said, helping him up and then slipping an arm around him for support.  
  
Brennan accepted without complaint, leaning heavily on the other man. The others had all returned to bed, and he didn't mind looking weak in front of Adam. He was sick and didn't feel like bothering to pretend otherwise.  
  
When they reached his room, Adam helped him into bed. Brennan sighed as he lowered his head down onto the soft pillow. "Thanks."  
  
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Adam reached out and brushed some hair back from Brennan's face in a gesture a bit too caring to be merely another check for signs of fever. "Are you alright?"  
  
"I'll be fine. I just need to flush the rest of the poison out my system, right?" he answered sleepily.  
  
It probably wasn't the best time for this, but then it probably never would be. "I meant, how are you handling the events that occurred while you were under Miss Templeton's influence?" Adam probed, knowing Brennan was tired and his defenses were down.  
  
"Emma's fine, so I guess I'm okay. I still can't believe I was able to betray Mutant X, though. I'm sorry, Adam."  
  
The apology wasn't necessary. "None of that was your fault. She was controlling you."  
  
Suspicion suddenly surfaced, and Brennan forced himself to be more alert. "What did Emma tell you? She was in my mind more than just to cool me down, wasn't she?"  
  
A serious expression had settled across Adam's face. "What Lorna did to you was--"  
  
"Just sex, Adam." Brennan quickly put a stop to whatever else was about to be said. "Nothing I haven't done before."  
  
It was hard to see it that way. "This is different."  
  
"No." The reply was firm.  
  
"Brennan, I can tell how badly this is affecting you. She used you. Against your will." He'd been acting differently ever since his return to Mutant X.  
  
Brennan refused to be a victim. "I wanted her, Adam. I wanted everything," he said sharply.  
  
There was long pause before anything else was said, but the subject wasn't dropped. "You wanted to sleep with a woman you didn't know? You wanted to help the GSA? You wanted to hurt Emma?"  
  
"No, I..." Brennan glared angrily at his friend. "Damn it."  
  
"So tell me again how she didn't make you do anything you didn't want."  
  
"Adam, please..." Brennan couldn't even look at him. "Don't pity me. Be angry with me for betraying you. But don't be sorry for me.  
  
"I did want those things," he eventually continued when silence stretched between them once more. "That's the worst part. She could have hurt me any way she wanted and I could have handled it, but she... She made me want it, Adam. She invaded my mind."  
  
"Shhh..." Adam said softly, rubbing Brennan's arm to comfort him. He wanted to say that everything was okay, but he knew that would be a lie. There'd been a huge amount of pain, and it would take a long time to even begin to get over it.  
  
The sob that Brennan had been trying desperately to choke back seemed determined to escape, and he finally let himself start crying. Adam was instantly right there to hold him, gently stroking his back as his body was wracked with silent sobbing. He wouldn't allow himself to weep aloud. Emma might suspect, but he'd be damned if he let Jesse and Shalimar know what was wrong. He couldn't stand to have them look any differently at him because of this.  
  
He buried his face against Adam's shoulder, sniffling in attempt to stop the unwanted tears. Why did this hurt so badly? He almost wished Lorna had succeeded in her attempt to end his life. It would make everything so much easier. He didn't know how to face this.  
  
"Oh god, Adam, I loved her."  
  
-----  
  
THE END  
  
However, due to requests, this story is continued but I have moved it to fosff.net due to a borderline NC-17 scene that I feel might be too strong for ff.net's restrictions. 


End file.
